I will be gentle with myself…

Dear Friend,

It is 7:30 pm on a Tuesday night. I just converted the Participant Workbooks and Faciliator’s Guides for the upcoming CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials. There are four in total:

I am actually really proud about this series. It was forming in my mind, as I was marking assignments. But it was not until I got an email from one of my nurses, Sunita, that I started creating them.

You see, the way CELBANPrep was developed was that IENs would post their writing assignments on a forum. That meant that other IENs could see each other’s progress and learn from each other. Sunita noticed that there were common errors that IENs repeatedly made. She suggested I create books to teach people how to correct these errors.

ASIDE: That is what CELBANPrep Writing Level One is about – CELBAN or IELTS: Writing Level One – learning how to identify your own errors, and how to correct them in a limited time period. I have rebranded CELBANPrep Writing Level One as part of the CELBAN or IELTS series because what I am teaching will increase your competencies (and benchmark) on any written English task! on any English Exam! That is the CELBANPrep Method.

But, it is alot of work. Checkout this for my Passion Planning:

There are 4 Participant Handbooks, that will be published in hardcover.
There are 4 Facilitator’s Guides, also to be published.
I will be creating a Poster Book, where you can pin up the graphics to help you to memorize the troubleshooting, triage, and other graphics.
There are at least two comprehensive videos for each of the Grammar Essential modules. Thus four supplementary documents.
There are quizzes for each one, that I need to figure out how to incorporate.

The CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials is the most comprehensive piece of work I have created; because, they were created at the time when CELBANPrep was at it’s height. They were created when I was training up Writing Coaches to assist me in marking assignments. They were created when I was training up Speaking Mentors to assist in providing support to practice skills. It was when I was developing CELBANPrep Coaching and Mentoring Certification programs. And it was when I was preparing to take CELBANPrep Live: teaching in person across the nation and around the world. I had offers from Dubai to go and teach facilitators there.

But then my daughter started getting really sick and I could not carry the burden of Disillusioned Dreamers and Unsuspecting Newcomers. I could not cope with people telling me I was charging too much, and that I was either a fake or a scam. I didn’t have the emotional resilience to carry myself through: so I could not be there for anyone else either.

All of my dreams faded with her passing; she was so much a part of what I created. I was so excited about taking her across the country and world with me, to experience, to learn, to meet amazing people. I had no hope, no desire, no motivation … until that day when I received a comment from a man who said, “I hope you will continue to guide and help others in reaching their dreams.”

I Knew I couldn’t teach CELBANPrep any more; but, I also Knew that I had achieved a level of excellent in what I created that others could pick up where I left off. I simply had to make everything accessible to teachers, facilitators, teachers and guides. And, by doing so I could fulfill the requests I had received from the beginning of time but not had the time to do: create textbooks.

How was it that in ten years

I was still the only one developing new material and study aids for the CELBAN?

That is why it has been so important to work out the kinks when it came to the technology for the CELBANPrep Suite that is already available internationally through Amazon. In this way I can get it right the first time, learning from the obstacles, when it comes to creating and developing CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials.

But, what that means is that while I spent all this time doing damage control, and reformatting the CELBANPrep Suite, with updates and work-arounds: CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials is not ready for release today March 20th: the first day of Spring. That was the anticipated date, back in January; but it won’t be happening.

Instead I have chosen to be gentle with myself. I have decided to pace myself. I know that there is an arduous amount of work ahead of me. And, with the guideposts that I have now, that I did not have before, I will take my time and do it right. Besides, there is much to learn as the CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials will be available in print, so there is an additional learning curve for them.

Back in November, when I received that e-mail and decided to do this, creating CELBANPrep 2018/2020, my colleague asked, “How long will it take you?” Ignorantly I answered, “Two months.” Looking back I think of how naive I was; yet, I am glad it was so. I don’t know if I would have committed to this project knowing it would take half a year, or more. But, this I know. It is spring here on the island. The crocuses, daffodils, cherry blossoms, and robins are out. My soul is yearning to be outside. With my laptop I can work anywhere. But, to do this work, I need to be using my desktop. It is fine to be chained to it in the winter months, but now that it is nice out, I want to be out and about.

So, that is my motivation: to complete CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials as soon as humanly possible, while being gentle with myself. (That is one of the secrets of Passion Planning!) So it is. Worlds without end. Amen.

Kim