THE DISILLUSIONED DREAMER – β™₯ I am here for you, what I really want to know is: are you here for yourself? πŸ’ 

Updated 2025

6–9 minutes

|| A Fog with Quiet Possibility ||

DEAR KIM,

Hello again! First of all, i want to  say thank you for all the support you have given me despite the fact that i was not able to become an active student that time. My first experience to take the CELBAN early this year still went smooth despite  my tremendous lack of self confidence and time ( as i described to you my condition before). Kim i got 8 for speaking, 10 for listening, 9 for reading…..BUT a very huge BUT only 6 for writing. The result was fine at first because i tried to console my self that i could just try LPN and not go for RN anymore for when i got my result that was the time that CLPN in our province were accepting applicants with some differences in the English assessment results. After 6 months CLPN approved me for CCA  but they still want me to update my English result. That was the time that my heart shattered because first, i tried to settle for less than what i dream to become; second was  that  the next available spot for CELBAN is March ; third, i din’t know anymore how to approach the writing  and lastly, i will have to be retested again for listening. Its just recently that i managed to forgive myself and forego of the wrong decisions that i made.  From this moment , my experience made me more matured in approaching my goal. I had learned another life lesson  and now i need  to apply it. Kim, with humility, please recommend to me any [reources] for the writing and listening that you think would be able to help me. Thank you very much for reading my letter. S


πŸœ„ Return to Self

Dear S,

I felt the tremble between your lines. The quiet heartbreak beneath the resilience. And I want to begin here: thank you: for returning. For not pretending this was easy. For writing from the tender ground between disappointment and rediscovery.

There is grief in realizing you tried to shrink your dream to make it fit your circumstance. There is grace in choosing not to stay small.

I honor your forgiveness. I honor the moment you said, β€œI am ready again.” That moment, S – that breath – is where your power lives.

You are not starting over. You are returning from the deep.

🜁 Fog to Clarity

It makes sense that writing felt like a wall, while listening (once a triump) now feels shaky again. The mind wants control. It wants certainty. But clarity doesn’t come from control; it comes from practice shaped by reflection.

Here is what I can offer as you re-enter:

  • Writing, unlike reading or listening, is externalized thinking. You must both know and show. That is why coaching mattersβ€”not for correction, but for reflection. For someone to hold a mirror steady while you practice showing up clearly.
  • Listening, though quiet, is still a performance under pressure. What once felt easy can slip when confidence wavers. So go gently. Rebuild rhythm, not from scratch, but from the muscle memory already formed.

What that means is that having someone observe what you are doing when you are speaking and writing is VITAL to increasing your score on the professional communication part of the CELBAN. It is VITAL for you to record your self, to do a self-evaluation – that is included – and to develop the skills you are required to demonstrate. For CELBAN Speaking these basic life skills are:

  • Using open ended statements,
  • Organizing your thoughts so you communicate in a clear and organized fashion,
  • Introducing and concluding what you are talking about,
  • Being clear in your word choice (correct grammar and sequencing), and
  • Dealing with conflict in a way that is consistent with the Canadian Culture.

And please remember: your past score is not a promise or a punishment. It’s a snapshot. You are still becoming.

πŸœƒ Rooted in Enoughness

You said it beautifully: β€œI didn’t know how to approach writing anymore.” That is not failure; that is fatigue.

The body remembers disappointment. The nervous system tightens. And suddenly even the familiar feels foreign.

So here is your first practice: Do not rush into strategies. Sit in stillness. Let your nervous system know: you are safe now. No longer bracing. No longer bargaining. Simply beginning again.

When you do write; write with breath.

When you listen; listen with your feet on the ground.

Anchor your preparation in presence, not panic.

You are not late. You are here. And here is enough.

πŸœ‚ Rekindling the Inner Fire

You reached for something new… not because it was guaranteed to work, but because something in you still burned.

That ember (the one that refused to be extinguished) is your teacher now.

Let that fire not be about β€œtrying harder,” but about believing deeper: that your dream is worthy, that you are capable, and that sacred timing often doesn’t follow human schedules.

What matters is not the delay, but the decision to rise.

You are no longer negotiating with your dream. You are saying yes… fully, this time. That is what transforms effort into devotion.

πŸœ€ Standing at Zenith

You are not just preparing for an exam. You are preparing to become.

To become someone who no longer apologizes for her path.
To become someone who stands, even when standing hurts.
To become someone who can look at her own heart and say: I stayed.

This is not about passing. This is about presence.

You asked for guidance, so here it is: Choose support that sees your humanity, not just your performance. Choose a pace that honors your healing, not just your goals. Choose a method that makes space for both grammar and grief.

And then… begin. From the center. From your breath. From the truth that you already carry what you need.

With reverence for the dream that refuses to die,
~ Kim
A keeper of the flame until you remember it is your own.


I appreciate every word of your response. I had to read it three times for me to fully absorb your message. Kim i would not say anything more now, simply because i learned that its not what i said, but what i do. Thank you very much for showing me the reality of what my actions are leading me and please don’t stop because its what i needed.

Once more, thank you for your presence. S


Dear S,

Your words moved through me with the same quiet weight as a prayer returned. Not one needing to be answered, but simply received. And I received your message with a stillness that can only come when something true has been spoken.

You said: β€œI learned that it’s not what I said, but what I do.”

There is so much wisdom in that line, and even more in the silence that followed. There is something holy in knowing when to speakβ€”and when to become the message through your actions. That knowing is not loud, but it is powerful. And it tells me your center has returned.

I want you to know: I felt the tenderness between your lines. That you didn’t flinch from reflection, even when it stung. That you allowed the mirror to show not just who you were, but who you were becoming. That’s the difference between shame and sanctificationβ€”one contracts the soul, the other expands it.

And your soul, S, is expanding.

When I first wrote to you, I did so with trembling hands and a fiercely soft heart. I have learned that love sometimes needs to be firm to be true. But it must always be rooted in reverence, never control. I trusted the strength in you to recognize the invitationβ€”not the judgmentβ€”in what I shared.

I’m grateful to know that you felt that.

There are moments in life that shift our path: not because everything suddenly gets easier, but because you change. You become the one who no longer betrays her own dream. You become the one who gets quiet, gets serious, gets whole. I see that in you now. I see the spiral turning.

So I will continue to walk beside you, not as someone who knows the destination, but as someone who believes, without wavering, in your capacity to arrive.

Thank you, S, for your presence. For your trust. For your truth.

In Spirit and with abiding respect,
Kim


|| AMAZING!!! I passed the CELBAN!!! || Mastering Your Psychology ||

Enouragement


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Let their stories inspire yours! Return to your Self: transforming fog into clarity, becoming rooted in enoughness, and rekindling the fire within, so that you stand centred at your zenith: with hope, confidence, and grace.

🜁 There are times that I am at a point of giving up. But, I always find myself reading your …
🜁 I failed to make the CELBAN grade in one area. I was very disappointed. My weakness: timing..
πŸŽ• After failing the IELTS 7 x, I joined [CELBANPrep]: I passed!!!
πŸŽ• Because of your guidance I did [the CELBAN] and got admission.
β™₯ I am here for you, what I really want to know is: are you here for yourself?
πŸœ‚ I dont know how to start, im so desperate, frustrated, hopeless
πŸœƒ There are times that I want to give up because I’m not sure if I can do [the CELBAN]
How can I get a writing practice test or any material for CELBAN writing practice exam?
πŸŽ• Thank you miss Kim for the words of encouragement. May God bless you all the time
 πŸœ‚ I took celban twice and I didn’t get expected score
HOPE !! β™₯ I just got my CELBAN test result today, I PASSED! 
HOPE !! β™₯ I passed the CELBAN on my 1st try
β™₯ it feels like theres something lacking on me – sometimes feeling emptiness.
πŸ–Ή I already took CELBAN twice, but … I’m not lucky to pass
πŸœƒ I am from Swift Current [Saskatchewan], I have two jobs… I wanted some [CELBAN] materials to read at home
What is the Word Count on the CELBAN Exam? for CELBAN Writing?
πŸŽ• I PASSeD MY CELBAN!!! I’m so happy I subscribed to CELBANPrep=)
πŸŽ• I took CELBAN, first attempt I failed….I got the confidence to overcome my fear of writing
πŸŽ• I passed my Celban exam the first time…I attempted IELTS twice. 
πŸŽ• After 3x failing the IELTS, I finally passed my CELBAN exam in the first attempt!
β™₯ I don’t have the confident, I feel that I will fail [the CELBAN]
πŸœ‚ I am a 7 months postpartum Mom…when will I start
πŸœƒ Do you have an ideas of how a busy mom with a toddler can study?
Horaaaaaaaaay, I did it [wrote a perfect report for CELBAN Writing] in 20 minutesΒ 



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