Since Boxing Day, I have been spending almost all of my time writing. If I am not writing on the computer, I have been writing in my journal. In that time I have completed 25 chapters for a new book. Yes, 25 chapters in 10 days. I actually wrote four in one day!
In that time I have also completed two 200 page journal, and am halfway done another. This following two weeks of similar activity. So in all I have completed four journals in four weeks.
What have I been exploring? What have I been writing about?
I have been asking myself over and over, from every direction possible, for the past two months: what do I want to do with my life?
When I started CELBANPrep there were three personal reasons why I created an on-line business:
- I wanted to be able to live and work in a remote location surrounded by nature and beauty.
- I wanted to travel and explore the world, giving my daughter first hand experience.
- I needed to have work that was flexible, considering my daughter’s health needs and my concern for her well being.
Everything changed in November, 2014, when she went home to be with her Father in Heaven.
Crushed by the weight of her loss I was no longer able to do what I had been doing: lighting the hearts and spirits of Internationally Educated Nurses coping with the reality of living in Canada, dealing with underemployment, and managing a life from the perspective of shattered dreams.
That is right. CELBANPrep wasn’t about passing the CELBAN exam, it was about so much more.
And during my seven years, I met so many amazing people who allowed me to walk with them on their individual journeys. Several I was able to draw closer to me, training them up as Writing Coaches, and Speaking Mentors.
It has been a joy and a glory to be part of your lives!
But the loss of my daughter impacted me deeply. I was no longer in a place in my life where I could lift other people up, out of the darkness. I was no longer in a place in my life where I could read the e-mails of the disheartened and disillusioned; replying to them with love, compassion and hope. I was no longer in a place in my life where I had compassion for people who told me that they could not afford the services I was providing.
I actually got a job as a cashier at a grocery store working for minimum wage.
But I went to that job every day, filled with love and gratitude in my heart, for all the nurses I had met that taught me how to have self-love, self-acceptance and dignity in the face of working in a survival position that had nothing to do with my skills talents or education.
I went to work every day, smiling as I looked out over the ocean, grateful to all the nurses I had met who filled me with courage, from their examples of moving to Canada, so that I could move to BC to live by the ocean which had such healing effects on my soul.
So, without my daughter’s needs to motivate me, and without my heart and spirit to guide me, for the past year I have been exploring the question: what do I want to do with my life.
It has been a difficult question, for you see, I have done everything I have ever wanted to do. I completed two degrees. I worked for Parks Canada, the World Wild Life Fund and with an endangered species as an ecologist. I got to take a boat to work every day, and to fly to work in a helicopter every day for a week. I flew a plane. I have written and published books. I have motivated people. I have lifted them out of despair and given them hope. I have made a difference in the world.
I once had this dream about being in the hospital. My attending nurse found out who I was. Quietly she slipped out of the room. Soon one nurse came to join me, then another, and another until the entire room was filled. My perspective shifted as I saw what was happening from the ceiling as nurses came from all over the hospital to thank me. I was completely overwhelmed as I am now in writing this, with tears in my eyes.
My life is a testimony that one person really can make a difference!
I always said that my motivation for CELBANPrep was that we need you. We need you to take care of our family, our friends, our loved ones.
But now my time with CELBANPrep is over. I have not been able to say so, for the past year, because I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. But my experiences since my daughter’s death are guiding me into another direction, where I can assist in God’s plan in a very different way. I will still be providing hope, light and love, but to a wider yet different audience. I will still be sustaining others in fulfilling their dreams, but more than Internationally Educated Nurses.
My role in God’s plan is expanding.
So those of you who have known me, or come to know me through my writing, and want to walk along with me on my journey: you are so very welcome.
For those of you who are wanting to be a registered nurse in Canada, I am sorry I will not be able to provide you the one-on-one assistance I did in the past. But I know that God will be there, and He will guide you to qualified people to help you along the way.
In time, when I am ready, willing and able, I will be creating more resources to assist those individuals. But for now, it is time for me to say farewell.
Thank you to all My Nurses for providing the inspiration and courage to do things in my life that I never would have done if it weren’t for creating CELBANPrep and meeting you!
May Angels continue to guide you and protect you, clearing your path, vanquishing your fears and self-doubts, and filling you with love.
P.S. To My Nurses, if you have updates to share, that I can post on Dear Kim to inspire others, please send an e-mail.