What has Happened to Civility? 

Dear Kim CELBAN - What has happened to civilityThis summer has been challenging.

Sure, I have also told me:

But, this whole process got me questioning:

  • Why am I doing this?
  • Why am I dedicating time, talent and energy I could be pouring into something else?
  • Why do I spend so much time on CELBANPrep when I can be working on my 5 novels, working on my new business, teaching people who appreciate what I am doing?
  • Why do I transform CELBANPrep for Amazon when I can actually be doing something where I am paid what I am worth?

It causes me to wonder:

  • What has happened to our civility?

What has happened to our civility? 

What has happened to us as a people – nationally and internationally – that we feel entitled to slander, attack, and make false claims without seeking understanding, without applying compassion, without treating ourselves and others with dignity and respect?

Why is it that just because we have Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down icons – just because we have the privilege to voice our opinions – that we do so without considering the ramifications, the ripples, the consequences of our actions on others?

Why is it that we tear each other down instead of building each other up?

  • Are we not a community of healers?
  • Are we not dedicated to the health and well-being of humanity?
  • Have we forgotten the art of taking care of the bodies, minds, hearts and souls of one another?

I have read of personal accounts from some of my favorite authors (Brene Brown and Doreen Virtue) about the impact and implications of reviews and comments on social media. It is appalling to me that people who share their minds, hearts and souls with the world are treated with such utter disrespect.

Why is it that we think we should be dictating what other people do with their lives? Don’t we have enough to do managing our own when it comes to family, employment, careers, finances and health?

Minding the Gap and Disruptive Engagement (Brene Brown)

It isn’t that I don’t believe in Minding the Gap. I do.

It isn’t that I don’t believe in Disruptive Engagement. If you read If you… complain …: is it the restaurant’s fault?  and  Please accept my  humble  apologies you know that I do!

(This blog post is all about Minding the Gap through Disruptive Engagement! BTW these are Brene Brown’s terms from Daring Greatly.)

There are times in society that we need to Dare Greatly:

  • we need to Mind the Gap; to identify when where we are and where we want to be are two very different things.
  • we need to engage in Disruptive Engagement, talking about things that are uncomfortable from a perspective of wholehearted living without shaming others.

So, if you see a gap between where I am and where I want to be – where CELBANPrep is and where CELBANPrep can be – please mind it! Please assist me in minding it! I need you and want you to mind the gap! CELBANPrep exists because of all the Gap Minding that occurred by the Internationally Educated Nurses that have come before you!

But what happens when we mind gaps without kindness, civility and respect?

  • Is that the society we want to create?
  • Is that the society we want to live in?
  • Is that the society we want to give to our children?

Every nation, every tongue, every creed teaches our children:

  • to be kind to others.
  • to treat others with respect.
  • to do to others what we would want others to do to us.

Then what has happened to our civility? What has happened to our civility simply because we can put a Thumb Down or write a negative review? What has happened to our civility simply because we have anonymity? What has happened to our civility simply because we have a privilege to voice our thoughts and opinions?

  • What happened to refraining from using harsh words that would harm others (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) ~ and in the end ourselves?
  • What happened to using kindness, compassion and understanding in our interactions?

The Thing is, We are All Accountable for our Actions and How They Impact Others!

Regardless of faith, religion or creed: all of us believe that we will be held accountable for our actions. We might believe in Karma. We might believe in Judgement Day. We might believe in the Book of Life. We might believe in the Akashic Records. Whatever we believe, we believe we will be held accountable for our actions: including what we write in the secrecy of our homes and phones on social media. Everything is Known. We have no anonymity.

That is what Rieds wrote about in her reply to Bern’s comment on Amazon:

Mr Bern
….You have no right to verbally abuse Kim on this platform.
Kim will always have the support of thousands of
Internationally Educated Nurses all over the world….
If you have any conscience at all ! Then just back off!!! One day you will answer to God for hurting the sentiments of someone who has given her heart and precious time to make valuable resources available to people like me so that I could make my dreams come true as an Internationally Educated Nurse.
Indeed it is sad as you will have to deal with plenty of burnt toast, at the rate you are going on with your ruthless online behavior.

Am I being Idealistic?

Oh, I know, I am being idealistic in expecting and wanting people to be more civil both in person and online. It is true. As an Intuitive Feeling type I am an Idealist. Why else would I be creating resources without receiving guaranteed financial compensation? Why else would I be dedicating my time and talent to people I have not even met yet, knowing full well that some will claim it is a scam – others will complain, tell me what to do, or inform me that what I am doing is wrong – and still others will consider me/my creations a fake?

Did I not go into this knowing that is what people would do?

No. I did. I have been dealing with the same comments for ten years. The difference is that:

  • these attacks are now on a public forum, and as such,
  • these attacks negatively impact the lives of hundreds and thousands of Internationally Educated Nurses living across Canada and around the world.

And so I engage in Disruptive Engagement. I share them with you.

  • I share them with you so that you know what I have had to contend with all this time.
  • I share this with you so that you know how important your love, support, and prayers have been to keeping me going all these years.
  • I share them with you so that you consider the ramifications and ripples of your choices.
  • I share them with you to remind you of the importance of writing a review on Amazon (Here is a How to Guide) because;

If you don’t speak up, the voices of those who have slandered CELBANPrep will be heard over your silence.

There is absolutely nothing motivating me to create these resources for you, Internationally Educated Nurses, then knowing that:

  • what I have created is impactful!
  • what I have created changes lives!
  • what I have created is successful!

I don’t have to do this! 

I don’t have to create anything. I can leave the lesson plans, the videos, the graphics, the recordings, the conference calls, the speaking consultations, the writing assignments: I can leave everything in the archives of my computer.

Hundreds and thousands.

I have enough work to keep me busy full-time for two years.

But, why should I do it if people lacking civility claim that what I have created is a scam, that it is worth less than one star?

  • Why should I do it if the consequences of people not contacting me when they struggle – writing negative reviews – results in decreased sales?
  • Why should I do it if I have already dedicated eight months of my life – without pay – reformatting what is in my computer to a consumable product?

I used to make 100% of the revenue for the courses I was teaching with a value of $250-$555. Now I make 35% of the royalties from the Print Replicas on Amazon with a price point of $44-$77.

I am certainly not doing it for the money!

So I ask myself, “Why should I do any of this when people who have benefited from CELBANPrep over the years remain silent?” 

Silence is deafening; all that can be heard is the roar of the discontented.

In closing, I am at a loss for words. All I have is questions without answers.

  • I do not know.
  • I do not know how much more I can do – how much more I am willing to do – if this is my reception.

I can not do this alone any more than you could not do it alone.

At the end of the day I wonder, “What has happened to Civility?”


P.S. Please share this with anyone that you know who is uncertain about CELBANPrep and/or has been scared off by negative reviews. KK




3 responses to “What has Happened to Civility? 

  1. Pingback: Dear Kim

  2. Pingback: CELBANPrep Speaking E-books will no longer be available. | Dear Kim

  3. Pingback: I was thinking why not to create a little grammar resource for CELBAN writings? | Dear Kim

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